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最終更新日 : 2012/01/29 (Sun) 09:39
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最終更新日 : 2012/01/29 (Sun) 09:39
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Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
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... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Honolulu, it\'s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife\'s mother.
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The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
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Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
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Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
I\'m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
I\'m trying to see things from your point of view but I can\'t get my head that far up my ass.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
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Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
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It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
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Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
I don\'t know anything about music. In my line you don\'t have to.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
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An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: \'Can I help, sir?\' \'No thanks,\' says the blind bloke. \'Just looking.\'
Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
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We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
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When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
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Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
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Research is what I\'m doing when I don\'t know what I\'m doing.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
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If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
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A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI?!
I\'ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
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The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
We don\'t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
You\'re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
I\'ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn\'t it.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The truth is more important than the facts.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\'
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
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If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
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He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Everywhere I go I\'m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don\'t stifle enough of them.
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
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I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
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No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Research is what I\'m doing when I don\'t know what I\'m doing.
Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female.
Yes, I\'m fat, but you\'re ugly and I can go on a diet.
I\'d stop eating chocolate, but I\'m no quitter.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
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I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/15/(Sun) 20:42
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